The moment when the lockdown (a.k.a. "community quarantine") was announced on the news, I was already mentally listing down things I wanted to do while I'm stuck at home.
In my head, I said, "Finally, more time to do things at home!"
I'm finally going to read my book backlogs.
I'm finally going to watch my downloaded pending series on Netflix.
I'm finally going to clean up and organize my room.
I'm finally going to enrol a class in Coursera; maybe learn a new language or two in Duolingo.
I'm finally going to have time to cook.
I'm finally going to write something on my blog.
Then, after a week at home—I think I did nothing of those I mentioned above.
We did clean up, yes, just because we had to disinfect everything at home no thanks to the Coronavirus. My brother on the other hand, whose classes were already cancelled had finished movies after movies, series after series. (Good for him though, it was a great way for him to spend his time with and he can also catch up with some pop culture.)
I wasn't able to do things as planned. Well, I had work to do, of course. But those moments in between I thought I wasted my time lying around, doing content for TikTok, or playing Word Villas on my phone (It's an interesting fun puzzle game introduced by a colleague and I'm on Level 500+ already. That was pretty much my achievement.)
Besides doing actual work at home, I accomplished nothing for myself.
Truth is, I was being lazy because I was having mini anxiety attacks again. It felt like that time when I was recovering from dengue fever and days were just passing by—stagnant and uncertain.
Then there was this fear in me. When will this be over? This is a situation we are facing that we don't have much control of. It is a pandemic; a global crisis. Everyone is affected and no one really knows when will it end.
I know this was normal and I'm pretty sure it's just not me who's experiencing the same. Times like this, it's frightening and the only best defense we have is to wash our hands.
But my point is: I was unproductive. And I guess that was ok.
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I came across this article from The Independent about how best-selling Harry Potter series author JK Rowling condemns life coaches who are pressuring people be productive during the lockdown.
To quote, “If you're a 'life coach' who's on here implying people are losers if they aren't learning a new skill/building a brand while on lockdown, maybe stop. People have challenges you know nothing about. Sometimes getting through something is more than enough.”
I know some friends and acquaintances are having a hard time staying at home because of their mental state. Some, who are naturally extroverts, are finding ways to entertain themselves because they're alone at home. And that sucks.
Don't get me wrong. We're damn lucky because we have a home to stay at to begin with. But to reiterate what JK Rowling has said, we have challenges other people don't know about and sometimes getting through is already an achievement.
When I posted the article on Facebook, I wrote:
"Productivity is your choice.
We’re going through a rough time right now and if you can’t accomplish anything in a day because you bummed out, that’s fine. That’s how you cope with the crisis.
It sucks, I know, how you see other people have been achieving new successes everyday. There are those who learned how to cook, finished books, watched movies every night, or even finished online classes in the past couple of weeks. You chose to rest your head and deal with the uncertain by being comfortable with it.
And that’s fine. You’ll be fine. This is your time to relax and you deserve it."
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I finally had it altogether after that week. I was able to cook, read, and watch. I also recently enrolled in a free Harvard online class. I started meditating a few days ago. I'm slowly editing some of my travel videos. And this—I am back to blogging.
It felt so great, but I constantly remind myself, no pressure.
With the community quarantine extended until the end of the month, this means I still have more time to do things—or not—depending on what I feel.
Maybe some days are meant for us to be productive. Maybe some days are meant for us to rest and relax, to pray, and to ponder.
Besides, our top priority now is our overall health. May it be your physical or mental health, as long as you look after your holistic wellness, you're good.
Don't worry. You'll be fine.
(Stay home. Wash your hands. Stay safe and healthy, everyone!)