You’re probably laughing at us wherever you are because you see how we’re a bunch of emotional wrecks right now. 😅 I can almost hear your voice saying, “Hay nako, ‘wag nga kayo umiyak!” and eventually, you’re going to cry with us, too.
Oh man, this friendship we built. I tell you.
I’m only writing this now after a few days knowing you’re really gone. As in GONE gone. I was lost for words when I saw your photo two days ago in my feed.
Katrina Nicole King-de Leon
June 13, 1985 - May 30, 2024
I don’t know what to say. I started bawling to my husband. “Wala na si Nicole,” I told him.
Called our friends and said the same thing. “Wala na si Nicole.”
It’s funny how I repeatedly said the same thing over and over like I was trying to convince myself that you’re really gone. This thing hasn’t sunk in yet.
—
I met you way back in 2020 when pandemic brought people closer through the internet. There was this thing called Big Four Trashtalkan Exclusive—a Facebook group comprised of people from the Philippines’ big four universities: UP, UST, ADMU, and DLSU. We basically trashtalked everyone there, taking pride of our schools just for the heck of it. Maybe because of boredom and shared interests, that thing that’s supposed to rip us all apart made us even closer in friendship even if interactions were all online.
As the Facebook group grew, the admins decided to create a much more smaller group through Discord. That’s where I know you and other B4TX friends even more. I even wrote about this experience here.
We had several virtual working sessions, e-numans, game nights, and simple catch-ups in the Discord server that probably kept us sane all throughout those times. You know you and some of our friends even witnessed the heartbreak I had gone through and helped me a lot in coping with it. They were also there supporting me in my dating life and when I finally met someone new. (And yes, that person is now my husband.)
Sometime early 2022, you told us that you were hit by the Big C. I couldn’t just imagine how a strong figure like you would be softened by this blow. It was painful for us, but I can’t imagine how painful it is for you even more. We were wretched but we can’t show.
We said we’ll pray for you. We said you’ll be better. We strongly believed you’ll recover like the fighter you are.
In June 2022, we finally flew to Iloilo to visit you. I was excited to see you in flesh because not only that you were such a character I looked up to since we all met, but also to know if you’re the same Nicole we met online. Plus, we were ecstatic to see your kids, Tori and Gael.
We had such a great time in Iloilo. We all felt like adopted children of the Kings during our stay there. And we were so happy we celebrated yours and Gael’s birthday.
We were planning to go back again soon, but this never happened.
But, your frequent visits to Manila for your treatments and procedures were also opportunities for us to meet once in a while. Remember the time you had sinigang at home? And remember the time when you brought Tori and Gael and Richard to our humble condo unit and the kids turned our place into a daycare center? Sobrang fun nun. It must be the time when I realized I wanted kids of my own, too.
—
You told us you were not getting any better, but our conversations haven’t changed. We all still laugh at memes, we talk shit on people who are shitty to us, and we all do random kumustahans every now and then.
I invited you to our wedding last April. I was really hopeful you’d come but I know would be selfish if I only think about myself that time. I cried when you sent a video of you crying because you missed it and you were so happy for me and Jace.
I really wanted you to be there but what I really wanted was for you to get better.
Hindi pwede kasi gagawin ko pang Ninang si Nicole. Dapat andun siya sa binyag ni baby.
(Jesus, it’s so hard to go through writing this without bawling.)
Last I’ve heard from you was Tuesday, the week before you left us. You were still teasing Yeye’s toast photos during our wedding.
—
It took me three days in four separate times to write this. When I initially thought I was lost for words, eventually I was wrong. I have so many things to say to you but I wasn’t able to.
As I raise this imaginary glass with my imaginary non-alcoholic drink (because I can’t right now), I think all that’s left to say is—thank you and we love you. You’ll forever live in our hearts, Nicole.
Hope you continue looking after us in this crazy world.
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