There is this idiom that says you have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes [non-verbatim] to know more of what they're experiencing and before you pass judgments on them.
"Walk a mile in someone else's shoes..."
Whenever I encounter a person—whether I am intimidated by them, or we started off on a wrong foot, or I'm just generally curious—I try my best to decipher by getting into their thoughts and where they are coming from.
"Maybe that's why s/he's like that. S/he has a problem." For me, it's easier to understand a person when I do that (and I also read that in one of my Psychology before, when I was very into the field before.)
But there are times when I tend to set aside my own problems just because I can't help but compare it to other people's. I used to think that some of my problems aren't that big enough than what the others are having.
Cue in: "Maliit na bagay lang 'yan. Maswerte ka nga 'yan lang eh..."
But then I realized that when these "small" problems pile up, the shit ton causes a much bigger problem.
Anxiety and depression, for instance, are some of the bigger problems.
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During these crazy times, I often hear from other people or see on social media that you don't have the right to be upset about things only because:
1. You are far better off than anyone else in terms of status; or
2. The world is already in chaos; or
3. Wala ka namang ambag (LOL)
(Don't get me wrong. Being petty is different from having legitimate issues and concerns. Petty is plainly trivial.)
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there will always be people who will try to one up you by thinking that their problems—or other people's problems—are much bigger that yours.
"Oh, your boyfriend cheated on you? But did you know that there are a lot of women who can't even escape an ugly marriage?"
"Oh, your boss is giving you a hard time? At least you have a job because there are workers who got laid off recently."
"Oh, you lost your dog? Someone just lost their relative. Don't be such a cry-baby."
"Oh, you hate your government because they're not doing anything? Sumunod ka na lang kasi."
"Oh, you're tired from all of what's happening? Don't be. Did you know that historically, our ancestors fought for our freedom but did they ever complain?"
Consider yourself lucky, they said. At least you're not them, they said.
And this, my friends, is why those who suffer from anxiety, depression, and suicidal tendencies hesitate to even share their thoughts and reach out.
You see, toxic positivity leads us to a hell-hole of pretending we are okay when we're really not. Having a positive outlook and portraying a "happy" facade only covers it up without addressing the real problem.
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The Philippine Star recently reported: "Depression on the rise due to ECQ". It says depression is the third leading cause of consultation with the National Center for Mental Health since the quarantine started, next to schizoprenia and bipolar disorder.
The pandemic is not just a physical health issue, but also mental. It's everyone's concern.
While we all try to cope with this situation, I guess it wouldn't hurt to extend empathy to our fellow humans. Remember, we all deal with this crisis differently and your toxic positivity is no help.
An article in Psychology Today explains it very well:
"When you deny or avoid unpleasant emotions, you make them bigger. Avoiding negative emotions reinforces this idea: Because you avoid feeling them, you tell yourself that you don’t need to pay attention to them. While you are trapped in this cycle, these emotions become bigger and more significant as they remain unprocessed. But this approach is simply unsustainable. Evolutionarily, we as humans cannot program ourselves to only feel happy."
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So let this be a reminder to me—and to you—that just because their problems are bigger doesn't mean yours isn't valid.
Besides, before we turn our heads to the brighter side of things, shouldn't we face first what's in front of us now? :)
* If you need help or someone to talk to, you may message me through my social media platforms. But if you're not comfortable doing so, here are numbers that might help:
SUICIDES HOTLINES
I. National Institute for Mental Health 0917-899-USAP (8727) 0917-989-8727 II. In Touch Philippines Call Crisis Line, any time +63 2 893 7603 (Landline) +63 917 800 1123 (Globe) +63 922 893 8944 (Sun) III. Philippine Red Cross 24/7 suicide prevention hotline, toll-free HOPELINE 2919 (for Globe & TM Subscribers) 091 7558 4673 or 8044673 IV. Manila Lifeline Centre Contact by: - Phone Hotline: (02) 8969191 Hotline: Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191